Silly Clown

Moving House

2009-09-02T15:57:00.000+08:00

I've moved. Press all my words please.

2008-09-03T21:03:00.002+08:00

It's like every step accumulating and before you know it, you seem to be at the edge.
Just a light shove will send you spinning out of control and away from it all.

It cannot be the path which is wrong. How can it be.
But what's wrong. Too many trees lining the path, distractions along the way, so much so that the old aligning of steps have gone astray?

It's like a barrier between me and the right path. Leaning against it, I strain to focus more and more energy.

2008-06-02T23:02:00.001+08:00

Junbin says he's damn bored at home.
@#$%^&&*@$#%

Story of a Slow cooker

2008-05-04T15:59:00.005+08:00

I wonder why I sound so low in self-esteem all the time.

I know it's unintentional
It's kinda like a slow cooker now isn't it. (as much as it's outdated)
All the pressure cooped inside.
So not within my capabilities to help out.

As I've always said. I'm sure it's just a passing phase.
Good times will be back. :)

Don't let me clip your wings
and the freedom to fly

2008-01-29T02:55:00.001+08:00

It's been so damn bloody long ever since I last blogged.

I never thought I would have to blog so soon again. I don't have a clue what this entry is about actually. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I just cant wait for this week to end. Maybe I'm too impractical and oblivious to what's going on around me.

I think and I realize. The world does continue turning even when my world might have stood still. N one day, it's going to spin me out of control. I actually feel it slow unwinding all which I've done. Slowly slowly slowly. Kinda like how your life is being drained away. With minimal pain that it can actually deal you. Wounds form and heal. On the surface. I feel the scar cracking as the past which I though I've left behind slowly tearing it. N i cant seem to do anything about it. It's a rather nostalgic feeling of helplessness which seems to slowly engulf me. And I had no fricking clue it's actually coming so soon.

The bubble I've created for myself is thinning.

2007-11-26T22:04:00.000+08:00

How real is it?

It was only yesterday, wasn't it. Sending me the pieces you've composed, teaching me the tricks of getting abs, showing me how true fighting spirit is.

No, but it wasn't yesterday. It was a year ago.

You were one of the true friends I've had on the team and you are gone. So close. So unrealistic. It wasn't supposed to end this way, was it.

All the training, all the hard work, all the sacrifices. N it all ended now? when you are just 23?
I'm 22, dammit. The same thing can happen to me and I wouldn't know.

Living you life to the fullest while you can? How full can a 23-year-old have lived his life.
What do you judge it by. The number of comments on his friendster profile? Bullshit.

Was it all worth fighting for?

Death came knocking early and answered the question, hasn't it.

People are enjoying their lives. Living whatever trivial dreams they have and yours? gone down the murky Cambodian river. Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Fuck it man. You are still on my fucking msn. But you are GONE. Just like that!
So what am I supposed to do with you on my msn contact list? Delete it and let it disappear as how memories of you will slowly fade away? Dammit!

Reuben. One year on but only now I miss the buddy I had during those days.

Bring me Back to Earth Please

2007-11-18T22:21:00.001+08:00

After sheesh-I-have-no-idea how long, Junbin is happy! hahaha..

Like such exhilarating happiness when it's actually nothing much. But still, I finally see some light! hahaha.. some direction if you want to put it that way.

Well, Ok, I know. This is damn weird 'coz I've yet to even mention what I'm happy about... but... it's a long story! :D Not the right time too! :D

Can somebody bring me back down to earth please?

Ok, haha. I just crashed back into the ground - 0017hrs

2007-11-12T01:43:00.000+08:00

I'm amused.

Nothing's changed. really.

You said it felt like old times. Somehow my eyes got fixed at the word "old"

Funny how the first thing that got planted when I came back was this very catchy song, catchy yet full of a careless, hopeless form of exasperation.

"This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory
No Happy Ending
This is the way that we love
like it's forever
Let's live the rest of our life
But not together"

2007-10-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

27th October 2007

Dinner at Rakuzen: Belated/ early bday celebration for the "guavas"

Appetizers while waitg for gui to turn up:

A plate of 8 sashimi slices that Quek cleaned up coz Shawn and I both don't take fish and raw fish respectively...

My favourite go-jap-restaurant-die-die-must-have soft shell crabs :D

Some funny tofu-of-which-i've-forgotten-its-name (not very yummylicious I must say)

And last but not least...... pressed eel sushi!Main dishes (in the order which they were served for Quek, Shawn and I respectively)

Tempura and Udon Set!!!!

Gyu Yakiniku Zen, comes fully with Chawanmushi, miso soup, rice (and other funny misc. stuff)

Sukiyaki Zen (same set layout as the former one)

After waitg for a full (un)bearable hour, gui finally arrives, looking all haggard and upon arrival, first thing she did, even before touchin her dinner, pick up a call from a lameass loser called LEMON TREE. But anyway, post-dinner is always photo-whoring time and after quite a long period of dry spell, the 4 of us who always make it a point to attend each other's bday treats come together (with me donning my new haircut):

And finally, as a standard procedure for every year's treat, we took a shot just outside the restaurant.

Very lazy to type any funny/ witty/ bitchy captions today. hahahaha. Basically very lazy.

Yay. Job done.

2007-10-23T01:38:00.000+08:00

I'm done.

When it's staring you right in your face, you know it's not going to happen.

It's not easy but there's always a time to give up and let go.

I finally broke down.

2007-10-22T01:24:00.000+08:00

My temper has been gettin from bad to worse recently. N it's not just something I came up with from a wave of emo-ness.
I get frustrated so easily that it's annoying. I piss those around me off and I take those close to me for granted, even my own brother. I really want to apologize to him. Sigh.
Sometimes..... you see all your actions as wrong ones, bringing you down a path that has no proper endings. Trying so hard... yet at the same time, not trying at all. That's just another way of saying that you are trying using the WRONG methods?
I want to go back to the rather-nice guy that my friends know me as. What am I exasperated over? Why am I frustrated?

Really sorry guys, for making so many uncalled for, rude, crude, bitchy remarks over the past few weeks. I hate to make you guys having to bear with all these nonsense but I'm trying to revert back to my former tolerance level. Really.

And...
...sorry bro.

2007-10-09T23:53:00.000+08:00

2007-10-06T01:29:00.000+08:00

Yes, I know. No, it's ok.

Why thank you. But I can see it for myself.

I see.

Well, actually I don't. But no, it does not matter to you.

When I yearn for that little bit of love you cant even give.

2007-10-02T23:19:00.000+08:00

Junbin is in a jolly mood now.

First dance prac has just been concluded. I can still keep up with the steps! If I don't stumble that is. Every class is always bout learning new stuff (if I've done it right la) Now i can lose more fats. Somebody please teach me how to do those damn bodyrolls/ waves / ripple wateva u call them.

Like a boy has just become my favourite song.. for now.. As they say, most probably, it will become one of your most hated songs at the end of the productions. But who cares. hahaha. Now it's on repeat mode on my itunes.

For a damn bloody long time, I've finally feel happy to take any shit. haha. N i've finally regained my bitching days! Feel so cooped up when I've lost that touch of mine. Damn those terrorists.

Btw, trivial time of the night: "Who is the founder of wikipedia??" (Go wiki wikipedia or something: Im too lazy to do it myself)

Oh.. my tang mei said I've a warm vibe around mi! haha..sure made my day =P First time I heard something like dat bout myself.

Happy Night! But don't come small talk me. I will slap you.

Happy Stuff

2007-09-25T19:21:00.000+08:00

Time to blog happy stuff.

I bought nice famous amos cookies that made everyone happy today. Yay.

2007-09-24T03:25:00.001+08:00

It is going to be the same mistake again, no?

Junbin lost himself in a all-new game.

All the guts and pride down the drain.

And it's damn bad when he cannot think much of anything else.

When history seems to start repeating itself, is it going to be another "fatal attraction" or one that will lead somewhere beyond the dead end.

"I don't think so ", so says Kiranger.

The elephant is back. When life seems so meaningless when you live it alone.

2007-08-23T14:28:00.000+08:00

in the light of the sun, is there anyone? oh it has begun...
oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
this world you must've crossed...you said...

you don't know me, you don't even care,
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

essential and appealed, carry all your thoughts across
an open field,
when flowers gaze at you...they're not the only ones who cry
when they see you
you said...

you don't know me, you don't even care,
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

- Boston, Augustana

2007-08-20T23:42:00.001+08:00

Think Im falling sick soon.

It just seems that the nights are darker these days. Quieter.

I feel this load weighing down on me and the suffocation is beginning to gag me.

"Im ok. Everything's fine. No prob at all =)"

2007-07-24T00:07:00.000+08:00

Junbin is severely depressed.

Curiosly, he doesnt know why.

He really appreciates that you care and show your utmost concern.

But he cant tell you why. Maybe he cant, maybe he shouldn't, maybe he doesnt know what he should say.

All he knows is, things would definitely be better...

if only you were there with him.

It's a stormy weather out there.

Someone to call my own

2007-07-22T23:41:00.001+08:00

Now that blogspot has dropped all his (her?) issues with junbin, he can continue blogging as and when he feels like it. Just that he doesnt really feel like saying much today. All the thoughts during the 2-hr bus ride back were forgotten almost immediately after alighting from the bus. Curious. He just watched Phantom of the Opera-movie-dvd version on his laptop though (worth mentioning that it was done alone...AGAIN) Some lines jumped outta into his face though:

Masquerade
Paper Faces on Parade
Masquerade
Hide your face so the world will never find you
Masquerade
Every face a different shade
Masquerade
Look around, there's another mask behind you..
...Stop and stare at the sea of smiles of around you
(Interesting that I note a whole chunk of cynism amidst the joyful tune)

Junbin is tired... and maybe even sick perhaps.
Yet he still carries a bounce in his movement, smiles to you, less radiantly perhaps but nevertheless, a smile.
Paper faces on Parade indeed.

5 weekends of hospitalisation. Unbearable solitude.
Or Isolated serenity.

PS. Author has no idea why he writes in the 3rd person.

Title

2007-06-09T01:14:00.000+08:00

Realli been a damn long time since I last blogged. In the end, it seems that blogspot is still the best buddy to rant to (since it's 24/7 anyway)

Been rather bz these few months. Not that anything productive came out from the time spent but oh well *shrug*

To think bout it, what should you do when you realize that lies existed even earlier than you think? Do you think bout it and tell urself, "That was some time ago and things have changed" and pretend as if nothing has happened?

How would you feel if somebody turns around and tell you, "im sorry, I did lie to you. Perhaps I'm not worth your love and time." What would you do? what would you say? Cling on and believe that love can make you forget and forgive? Or would you tell urself that you are not signficant to this person and just turn-tail?

They say back every emotions you have, every wandering thoughts you have with trust and you will realize that things can be rather simple. It's really mind-boggling: how does trust which seems to work one way gain reciprocation via the other?

I can be a good advisor to others, I can tell myself that everything is worth it, that there IS a future but if you don't think so, you place insignificance on my emotions, who is to blame? Is it me for trying too hard, for imposing too much on you or for being too silly? I thot promises work both ways? After all these while, all those pain, I'm still so blunt, so naive, so uncontrolled.

Intoleralance for stupid people has been raised to a new level, but in the end, am I the stupid one?

Expecations... not obligations. In a certain person's words, "no duty of care owed" Yet, knowing that it hurts me so and going on to do it, isnt it omissions? Argh. Wat rubbish.

I hate the truth. Especially when it hits me when I least expect it. AND especially when it explains a whole lot with explicit, excruciating clarity.

When the wall is imminient, I still banged my head against it. Intelligent indeed. Definitely elephant.

2007-03-29T21:10:00.000+08:00

Growing weaker towards such motions by the day.
Too much effort and energy placed within wrong priorities.
It's another emo day for our dearest junbin.
Seems to do wonders to his gameplay though.
Take his finger and pinpoint the source.
'Coz he cant do it.
The humid and scorching weather not good enough an excuse for you?

Intentions lighting up as neon lights on my forehead.
Is it really to such an extent?
Coz I don't seem to get what I'm looking for.

Jumbled Up thoughts.
Dinner forsaken.
Phantom of the Opera on Repeat Mode on my Ipod.
Ipod listened to while using laptop.

Training was good. Felt that I've lost some fats.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmmjPbYU1og

2007-03-16T03:29:00.000+08:00

Just couldnt resist posting this up:

Pak Wing trying to force his way into the meeting room today(to start on work, supposedly) while chewing on a choco biscult with the Sam humsup totally welcoming him.

Got locked outta the room in e end tho.

The crazy things liwong can do when they come together. Even when another li is missing.

Melancholic Numbers

2007-03-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

Friends.

You gain some (A).
You lose some (B).
More often than not, A > B

You grew closer to some (C).
You get distanced by some (D).
Curiously, C < D

Some don't care (E).
Some pretend to care (F).
Some care carelessly (G).
Some give you all their heart and soul (H).
E = F = G = H?

Some have learnt to treat u unworthy of a cent (I).
Yet there are others who treasure you above any worldly material possession (J).
I is definitely > 0 but is J > 0 too?

Some have learnt to recognize your usefulness and resources while they last and arent shy to acknowledge it (K).
While some others treat them as pluses to who you already are (L).

You might be expected to be there for some at all times (M).
But when it gets lonely and depressing, there are some who lets you call them because they wish to be there for you (N).
M and N used to be = 1.

Some are just the North pole with you as the South. Never meant to come close.

It's curious how times like these when you start to cherish those around you.
I really do cherish all of these friends. Regardless of you being A, B, C.... or N.
The title was "friends", wasnt it?

Miss Chan, This is for you and JUST for you!

2007-03-03T00:46:00.000+08:00

This entry is for you, Miss Chan, devoted teacher, supportive mentor and caring friend in those memorable days at Dunman High.
Despite your mild disapproval of my frivolous, playful character, you have always shown me and acknowledged the potential I had in the mathematics field.
You have indulged in our nonsense, the saga seeds counting was really too loud for anyone to ignore but you did anyway, in a careless yet understanding manner.
You were corny but those methods which you came up to teach us maths with stayed with me and lived within me to be passed on to future generations. I only regret that they could not experience the very moments of hearing the words from you again.
You loved to compare me with my brother, putting me down all the time. I was resentful towards such an attitude taken towards me but I've never held it against you ever since graduation.
The times before preliminaries when I encountered you everytime I stay back in school to study, you were always supportive, egging me on to fight for my goal despite the lack of confidence I myself have towards my own success. I thought it was all bullshit at that time, thinkin you were hypocritical, because you have never really liked me.
I was wrong and I never did get the chance to speak to you after graduation, the very teacher who tried her very best, despite our class being branded "very good" in everything except for academic results.
The chance is over now. It always hurts on hindsight. The news came as a total stunning shock. I could have done better to be more in touch with you. Your transfer was no excuse for us to widen the distance between your graduated students and you. It's only too late when we heard news about you.
All those snide remarks I loved to make behind your back, the cynical jokes.... and at the end of it, no signs of gratitudes shown and I could only offer you disappointing results in the O levels Maths papers.
The 2 years under you care were the most memorable even though nt necessarily the most desirable. Durian-plucking in lessons of differentiation and all those repeated words. It's different if anyone else says it.
You'll be fondly remembered by all of us, Miss Chan, for a long long long long time. Remembered as a, and I RE-EMPHASIZE, a devoted teacher, supportive mentor and caring friend. always.

2007-02-20T01:37:00.000+08:00

Eusoff Lost the IHG overall Champion.
Lotsa comments on dat.
But Hindsight is ass-sight.

It's Chinese New Year.
I do remember writing down some thoughts last year just became CNY came.
Were definitely saddening thoughts.
N I thought this year couldnt get any worse.

Ambience on eve was spoilt: I seriously don't mind washing my own toilet at home, clearing junk from my room or even washing my brother's toilet. Just as long I could slack off from school work at home.

Everything's outta obligations.
Are you sure you remember the significance of the lunar new year?
Reunion. Happiness. Pang Tang Stuff that makes everything so brainless.
I feel detached.
Thank goodness the bananas (and guavas) still stick together.
A form of consolation I guess.

If how the year will progress depends on these few days of CNY, I'm going to be in for it.
Argument with friend A.
Failure to plan something that is so simple.
Moody Mum.
Inauspicious chinese zodiac reading at the temple.

If this year is going to be worse than the last, im gg to xxxx xxx (no inauspicious words during CNY, they say.)

Catch the Curse

2007-02-13T00:08:00.000+08:00

Bloody hell. Late Nights. Early Mornings. Staring at the bloody laptop screen. Wearing my Contact Lens long hours for no apparent reasons. Tearing to sleep every night. And Pronto, Im down with the red eye thingy again. Thingy coz it's a thingy.

For all those who read my blog. I hope the red-eye curse will spread to you. Good Luck. Oops. (:

PS. I dunno if Im listenin to the correct radio station anymore. Class 95 playing Chinese New Year Songs...

Btw, the tearing to sleep every night is bull shit. hahaha

2007-02-11T17:22:00.000+08:00

-Warning: it has been said that this post is relatively more vulgar than any other previous posts. Those who are self-righteous, who think that one shouldnt swear even for a SUBJECTIVELY good reason and who are uncomfortable with grouchy bitchy posts, please do not read on. -
- OH. THANKS -

For no goddammit good reason, I've stayed in hall again over this weekend.
I told people that I'm staying because I might need to use the resources in the library for the bloody 3,000 words memorial but fuck it man.
That's nt the real reason.
I stayed because of an delusion, and as all delusions are, they never did materialize.
I stayed because I thought I will be close, but if anything, I drifted even further apart.
N bloody shit. I'm updating my blog now when I'm nowhere for my memorial.
It's an absolute brilliant act that I've left myself alone in hall when everyone else in my block has gone out or gone home.
I've a million and one things to do but all i can think of is:
Should I sell the 2 tix or jio somebody else to go.
Neither option appeals to me. Fuckit.
I did a pretty dumb thing last night, one which I've been explicitly told not to do.
I seriously do not care and do not want to think that I've resorted to seek cheap thrill.
It's really been damn bloody long since I've last updated and I really am damn fucking apologetic for the lack of fotos. Here's some lest some of you feel that I'm not living up to my rep as a camwhore.

Eusoff Fight Nite with E-block pageant queen nominee, random girl whose name I've chosen not to rmb and Darren Richards Newbie. Eve of Crim law Presentation and i still went despite being fucking tired (that helps explaining the squinting eyes). Regret not stayin longer than I did though. Could have found an alternative dumb source to vent all my displeasure. You know what they say: if you cant solve it with your brains, solve it with your fists. Oh. Childish escapist thoughts.

Self-entertaining while waiting for Jon, JQ and Sam to be done with Winning Eleven. Of all things, we've decided to poke fun at the AC teddy bear with zhengx finding it too excruciating to watch. That night was a chill-out that was really tiring though. We ended up watchin Team America at bout 12.30am and me dozing off at irregulat intervals. Back to hall after dat, marking the start of my unbearable, you-look-like-a-loser hall stay for 2 fucking whole days. I really wonder what got over me.

Oh, to dispel any accusations of being emo, here's sth on a happier tone:

I was relieved and glad that friday night for a total of 7++ minutes while at Jon's place.

The senior concert on Friday was brilliant, with fantastic performances from people like Liz, sista Rachel Gan, Raffli, Sarah and even Sam as the amateur drummer.

Chit chatting with fellow hall-mates, esp Ben, making each other upset and hopeful at the same time in the face of our common plight.

On a side note, i hate to post sth so emo, so sian after the dry spell but fuck it, this is my blog so *shrug*, kiss my ass and pray hard. Maybe someday...just maybe, something good will ACTUALLY happen to me and you all cheery, optimistic, happy people have something to read that will ACTUALLY appeal to you.

N all my words, purposively, literally or bitchily, do not mean to offend anybody.

2007-01-31T17:35:00.000+08:00

Today is an off-day.
Whoopee.
Finally managed to sleep in..till 12! (:
All thanks to this lovely person who helped mi submit my stat memo checklist & saved mi e trouble of gg down to BTC.
Of course, I would haf done e same ;)

Went Vivo for lunch wif Chris & Ian for a brief...say..3 hours?
Did a bit of walking around and shoppin but none of us bought anything.
E horrors of horrors.
Ian & Chris had to get biskuits from Marks & Spencers to make themselves feel better.

A very layback day indeed.
But kept having this empty feelin, hmm.. as if sth's missing..
Anyway, it's gg to be a wasted MAMBO Wednesday =P
I can feel it alreadi.

PS. facebook is the latest "in-thing" that we've seemed to be obsessed with. Join n you'll never be bored during lectures again. (:

Fantastic Week

2007-01-29T22:27:00.000+08:00

Should Stop Whining.
Will update the blog again when my mood is better.

IVP, IHG, Stat Memo & More

2007-01-18T22:01:00.000+08:00

On IVP & IHG

It seems that the IVP games and IHG are finally taking a toll on me.

Woke up with bloodshot eyes this morn and could barely keep my eyes opened.

Slept during WestLaw Traing

Slept after Westlaw Traing while toh toh was designing her blog template

Slept briefly during debate discussion

ALMOST slept during LAWR tutorial

Slept on the way back after IVP.

Basically, I slept whenever I could today.

N, I'm still tired. :S

There's research to do tomorrow and crim law to prepare tonight.

But I really need my sleep soon.

Has the urge not to go home this wkend again.

IVP has been a bumpy trip, with our team being fairly weak compared to previous years.

IHG, though, is quite a roaring success.

Eusoff has stomped across all opponents so far and heading towards the finals (23 Jan 07 Tues - All Support welcomed!) against Sheares, apparently the common enemy this year.

We've lots of ppl to avenge for and our GOLD to fight for.

GET EUSOFFED!

"Honestly what will become of me

don't like reality

It's way too clear to me

But really life is daily

We are what we don't see

Missed everything daydreaming"

2007-01-16T23:00:00.000+08:00

Bad Start to the Day.
Bad News. More bad news. Even more bad news.
Depressing and fluctuating moods.

Kudos to the IHG team.
Onli they can do wat they've done.

One good thing before the day ends.
Off to the Finals we go!

Still.
The greater you raise the hope, the harder you fall.

Get Eusoffed!

2007-01-09T23:23:00.000+08:00

Finally moved into Hall! Got a cleaner, sunnier, cheerful-er room.
It's kinda bare tho.
So excited bout the new room that I haf dat I'm nt in any mood to start doin up assignments!
Sem 2 started on a realli slack foot.
Tml's contract lecture will be the 3rd that we are forgoing this week due to unforeseen circumstances (frustration of some sort, perhaps)

IHG has started... since yday acty.
I represented EH even though I wasnt exactly stayin in it yet.
It was a rather tough battle against Sheares, surprisingly I must say.
They do field players with a certain proficiency but seems like we have let our guards down.
Out of 5 games, 3 acty went into rubber sets. Including mine.
Cant believe I had such a tough fight!
N I acty won in e end. First time I held out throughout all 3 sets.
Quite proud of myself I muz say.
N to ex-president-cum-taitai-auntie fangyi, thanks for staying throughout to wait for my game. haha. It must have infringed ur time in studyin Crim.
N thanks for the "missin-piece" in my life!
How true indeed. LOl

Nxt match will be on Sunday against Temasek.
I dunno how strong they are but they do field several IVP. Dat's bad. to some extent.
N IVP games start on Thursday. E horrors!
I dun even know who we are up against for e first match.

I nid to do my laundry, start reading up on crim, legal theory and finish up e issue for lawr. ROAR.

2007-01-02T23:29:00.000+08:00

Flying off to Bangkok tomolooooooooooooo!! Wheeeee

Random Recollections

2006-12-31T13:20:00.000+08:00

It's been 10 days since I last updated my blog.
I wasnt exactly bz but neither was i exactly in a mood to blog either :S

It's been quite a week actually.
Lotsa fun stuff intermingled with crappy stuff at home.
Erm, I wouldnt know how to describe it other than "happening"
It was a week of old-school games (C.S.), mambo, christmas gatherings, more gatherings with law people and the birth of the bachelors' pad.

For some unknown reasons, Pak wing suddenly had this overwhelming urge to revisit CS.
Well, it's definitely good to go back to the good ole days of playing CS: no worries, no commitments AND most importantly, no brainpower needed. Juz the buttons "B-X-X" (enter numbers of your own preference) and you are good to go. Of course, not forgetting the memorable sight of seeing young ah lians sitting beside their ah beng boyfriends and feigning total interest in their bfs' games instead of playg with their "bling bling" handphones.

Tues marked the christmas gathering of gang ten + more. With the regrettable absence of Valda-her-thai-highness-Heng, the whole gang was there! Remarkable. And for the last time, I wish to apologize to Pak Wing for poking fun at his xmas prez the many times and I swear, other than the first few, the rest are totally UNINTENTIONAL =P (still, I would prefer non-food items)

It was crazy lan gaming on Wednesday. Due to the novelty of it all over again, the lan shop at Park Lane hailed a massive gang of approx a dozen law studs and the event was graced by the attendance of Mich. I really hate to admit it, but there r no fotos to mark the turnout. Damn.

It was mambo after that. Crowd was, as usual, crazy but it was amusing, nonetheless, to see lots of JC students groovin on the dancefloor too. According to a particular someone: FRESH meat. LOL

U know wat, Im kinda sick of updating my blog without any fotos. So this is a call-out to all out there who haf photos of e xmas gathering, jq's party at blujaz etc (: I shall update more then.

It's New Year Eve today! I hope Im nt gg to spend it at hm again. Lol
But still,
Happy New Year to all out there!
N to my dearest brudder & sista couple-to-be leaving for Thailand right at this moment...All e best and haf fun! =P

2006-12-21T05:04:00.000+08:00

You look into the mirror.
You tell urself.
Im lost.
YOU are lost.

No more thinking.
Sleep becomes a luxury.
Stopped looking too.

Now, Where? What? Who?

The answers are simple.
Yet shy away from them.
You. Me. Him. Her. Them.
Evolution of excuses to conveniences

Do we really need him
Or her?
Or his and hers.

Yes we do.
Just don’t face the truth.
O, how ugly you are if you do.

Where to? Whom with? What else?
Life in Shambles, Thoughts in array
Regrets? Delights? Shame?

Locked up in your own actions
You basked in them
Yet feel the foolishness of your own actions and cry after.

You do nothing about it.
Life.

2006-12-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

Seems like everyone is kinda too lethargic to update their blog post-exams (except cher. lol)
N seems like everyone doesnt come online dat often as well.

Well. yeah. dunno-how-many weeks of hell (startg from research binder) till now.
We are liberated momentarily.
Post-contract on friday was good. (Note: it's POST contract - not the contract paper itself)
Felt kinda suay dat day coz kena quite a lot of stupid things.
But nonetheless. Timbre was fun.
I love hangin out wif my law frenz man.
They are like mini-me to Dr Evil in Austin Powers (You complete mi)
- Nah. juz kiddin. =P
TImbre seems to wash away all bad luck I've had. Cool shit
Zouk ltr on was helluva fun. Bout 20 odd law ppl there again.
The size itself is enuff to make anyone high ;)

Oh. N Zhengxi's party on Sun rox man. Dat's call i call a 21st bday party
With lots of dunkin into the water, liquor, champagne (pink champagne rox - oh n yah, i drove =P) , good food.. FANTASTIC house...a host who's even more fantastic... B-E-A-U-tiful

Did Christmas Charity today..after all e anticipation
E kids were fun. =P (but i wouldnt wanna see em again.. unless it's e same grp ;))
Aloysius, Bryan n Royston - e 3 brothers who dun seem to wanna speak to each other.
Realli ez to hoax young kids nowadays AND NO Sj, i'm nt gg to consider opening a childcare centre.. AS YET.

Here I am. At hm. Having quite a bit of headache. I hope it's nt e premonition of fever descending on mi. Will be quite sad.
N i juz realized how many of my sistas and a couple of brothers are gg to be outta town tis wk.
I kinda miss em alr. after all e intense muggin we've done together.

Come back soon! =)

PS. those who had taken pics during timbre, zouk, zhengxi's party and christmas charity, pls do mi a BEEG favour by sendin mi e fotos. (:

2006-12-06T02:21:00.000+08:00

Here I am. 2.20am in the mornin.
N I dunno wtf am I reading anymore.
If I've known better. I would have listened during lectures.
Fuck.
Had 2 mugs of coffee and I'm still drowsy.
This is gettin depressing. Lol.

Reflection Day

2006-12-02T19:32:00.000+08:00

I've declared today as Self-reflection day.

The Torts Exam is finally over officially at 1130 this morn.
End of Torts for now. Or quite some time at least. =)

On Bitchiness
I shall haf codenames for everyone quoted in my blog now. I hope they wun get offended. I have ABSOLUTELY no intention to undermine ur real name. It's for the sake of anonymity.

Miss A said, or rather, has been saying that I'm too bitchy. E more I tink bout it, e more it seems true. Sooner or later (if it hasnt happened yet)everyone will juz collaborate and jack me together to keep my bitchiness in check. I cant help by agreeing. (You will too. if you get reminded pretty much everytime you speak dat u r being bitchy)I tried retorting to Miss A: "It's ok to be bitchy as long as you r funny. But never till the extent of being annoying" Dat seems too naive now.

N Miss B said tis, "I'm not close enuff to you to be insulted by you" when I started my bitching spree. Ok, or at least something along dat line. I was jolted outta the self-indulging. I'm wrong! I've alreadi crossed the line, unknowingly. It's no fun when everything you say is being branded bitchy. It's nt...rite. Dat means... lemme think...EVERYTHING i've said is TRASH!

Im nt gg to get influenced by wat everyone says. I'll be whoever I am. BUT, nobody is perfect. I might make good use of such remarks to improve myself. Dat's nt change, izzit? Dat's called self-improvement. No more smart-ass remarks. No more jacking ppl when I myself aint dat good. (Trust mi, I get reminded of this fact EVERYDAY) With such "improvements", it should mean dat I gain more frenz, get less jacking at e expense of being quite a boring person. Hmmm, lemme c, Can i deal with dat? hmmm

Yes, I tink I can.

On Wantg a Gf Very Much
Mr C said tis before I boarded the bus hm today: "If you dun like somebody, you dun like somebody". Dat's nth on its own. The catalyst came when I saw a fren of mine with his gf whom he got attached to after startg Uni life. I was jealous of him. JEALOUS. for a split moment of 1 min. Den it struck mi. Hey, Mr C is rite. Gettin into a r/s is not childplay. A 21-year old should be held liable to an higher standard of care if he participates in a game which suits more sensible people. A r/s can be a liability in the end (nah, not strict liability) if dat's not gg to work. Come to tink bout it. I might not want dat afterall. I'm already quite a liability to myself. Sooo, thank you very much. It's a liability. (nope, not vicarious liability as well) Do I realli want dat? Miss A (yes, the same Miss A from the previous issue) has set her mind on staying single for the time being. (N sometime last wk, I said sth bout nt being able to get a gf, according to Miss A too) Boi oh boi, I sound desperate. Sounds wrong now. If there's nobody, there's nobody. She cannot be substituted with a beautiful vase I bring arnd. Vases cant be put in my sling bag, no matter how big my Crumpler bag is. Time to withdraw all nets, wind back all fishing rods. Keep the baits and go home.

No wonder ppl stay single.

On Contracts
It's a test. TEST. T-E-S-T. 30%. My exams are over.
TECHNICALLY.

P.S. I spilled water on Miss D today.

2006-11-29T00:18:00.001+08:00

Shouldnt even haf thot bout it.

Inevitablity

2006-11-27T22:55:00.000+08:00

SLS is over.

Yay.

My intelligence, the times my mind wandered off during the seminars, panicking, panicking and more compressed in 6000 words.

Went crazy this morn for a monumental, wild 15 minutes. Coz I slept for a full 8.5 hrs without finishing my essay the night before.

2 more papers to go. Damn. Im starting to regret agreeing to join Eusoff.

The inevitable has... well... inevitably happened.
I've cheated myself for long enough.
This image I've unconsciously portrayed to my frenz is wearing out.
The false front is over.
It's a whole new lifestyle that I've got to adopt from now on.
How do you lose, with just one decision, something which you did not have rite from the start?
You cant. You juz have to wake up from your self-induced dream.

My brothers n I decided that it's RETRIBUTION.
Payback for sth we did not know we've done.
If onli it will ever end...
I've enuff on my mind.
Why must you both make yours mine..no no..OURS too?

Time to face it all.
I want my old life back.
It's still gg to happen.
I refuse...I REFUSE...
if onli I could..
You can choose anything else, but not your.........

Something excerpted from Andre's blog.
When a girl knows a guy likes her but she refuses to progress any further than platonic frenship,
Things she should NOT do:

Point 14:
No dating any guy who treats you bad or neglects you in any way, that’s just a slap in my face. I fucking adore you
Point 10:
No confiding in me about boys. I am not your girl friend; I am your reluctant man friend who officially hates all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay; just don’t slam me with details about particular guys you are sleeping with.

These are top of the lists. For a full version of the article and all rules pertaining to this. View Andre's blog. *points to my links*

With the new blog format, uploadin fotos haf become helluva easier task.
Some fotos which I've put off uploading coz of the trouble:

Main course I had in celebration of my 21st bday at Hog's Breath. Worth drooling over it, doesnt it? =P N a close-up of the mash potato yields.... THIS---> One lump of beautifully carved? mashed potato.

Food at Hog's Breath is realli good.

People who always free their day/ nite out for my bday celebration:

11 years has realli been a long time.

Enuff for the day.

I ought to learn how to collate all my pictures into one big picture. e way totochan does it.

Torts torts torts torts torts torts torts torts torts torts torts torts torts torts torts torts

Contracts contracts contracts contracts contracts contracts contracts contracts contracts

Grrrr.

Ladder Theory

2006-11-22T00:05:00.000+08:00

Got introduced to the Ladder Theory by Cheryl during e study session today.

2nd time i'm studyin wif tis nigs of mine. Nt veri productive i muz say. =P

Friend's Ladder vs. Real Ladder

Somehow I tink I've always been glued to the Friend's Ladder. Damn. No Wonder.

Kept tinkin how to get to the Real ladder without fallin into the abyss today.

Haha. Shit. Totally wrong stuff to think bout with the exam arnd e corner.

N got stunned by a FANTASTIC question posed by Liz: "So whose Real Ladder do you wanna be on? "

Erm.......................

2006-11-11T17:16:00.000+08:00

I LOVE RESEARCH MEMO!
because i just do lots of photocopying.

AND BUYING LISA LOTS OF CHOCOLATE
because i want to make her fat!

I tink im halfway to success. :)

Tears

2006-11-11T00:16:00.000+08:00

I lie on my bed
and I sit behind the wheel
I sit along the beach,
Just me, myself and I
It just flows into my mind
I'm not who i am.
This is not me anymore.
Can I have my old self back?
I don't want to hurt you anymore.
I don't want YOU to hurt me anymore.
Should I have to do this myself,
it will be done.
Things Cant Remain the same.
Nope.
Not gonna happen.

I'm sorry.

Thinking Cap

2006-11-10T00:07:00.000+08:00

Law Students tink a lot too.
It kinda hit mi today out of nowhere today.
We question ourselves so much.
It's scary.
N worse still. We do not haf and cant find answers to our own questions.
Not even if we spent hours, days and wkends researchin on them.
Nope. nt gonna happen.
N we are supposed to be top (wat's dat figure again? oh..) 5% of some statistics.
Ok. Seriously. Ok.

It was nice tokkin to you today.
Well, it's always nice to get to know frenz even better.
We are all troubled. Dun worry.
Even tho e veri thing dat scares us e most might juz be the very thing we jump straight into.

I lost my train of thought.
got on at the correct platform but alighted at the wrong one.

I wonder how long I can sustain this.
this in terms of this this.
I realli nid to find dat somebody.
SOON.
Wat a conclusion after a whole day of researching n photocopying cases.

I still haf quite a few photos to upload.
But nt today.

Everyone is either fallin sick or sick alr.
Mi too.
The feverish bouts hit mi for the past few days when i stay in lib for some time.
Maybe Caitlin is rite.
Take care peeps.

Death
Illness
Pain -
when the willow trees sway
and the years drift slowly pass
take them all away
and let them all begone.
You who's here for me
Shall be the one and always be.

(Disclaimer: tis is nt an entry created coz im emo. Juz penning down some inspired thots after a whole day. No cause for alarm everyone.)

Clap Hands! Sing Song! Happy Bday to MI! =D

2006-11-01T12:12:00.000+08:00

It's been quite some time since e last entry.
Feelin kinda lazy. e lazy elephant strikes again.

Everyone is juz stressed. Research binder sux ass. Seriously.
With torts n contracts tut chewin up my ass.
I sure am blending into the law community.
Cases. Articles. Texts. Word Limits. Complicated Case Issue. Hell Yeah.
I nid more. Y bother to wait till Monday? Juz make our presentation on thurs or sth.
E bell curve will become a dot i tink. Wateva dat means.

Now, tis is wat happens when you haf an assignment as shitty as the research binder(n especially when u haf to keep returnin to sch on Saturdays. I juz love gg back on wkends soooo much. I can make full use of the season parking :D ):

First, you get stunned:

Den u start gettin indignant bout it, tinkin there's no hurry:

and.... u start gettin depressed coz there's no more time to take random photos in school,esp when ur binder is gettin nowhere..

Lastly, and the current stage, you juz wanna tell the tutors dat u dun wanna give a shit anymore..wif some classy, retro-ish ah beng/ lian style:

(All Photos courtesy of Beekee's mac book)

enuff of Binder! Shoo Shoo! Time for mi to bask in the happiness of my bday celeb these 2 days :)
Friday 03 Nov:
It's a conspiracy. Everyone ganged up against mi.
E poor victim juz got poorer.
Wat kinda lousy bday announcement is dat by Prof Kumar? o.O
No drama rama. Darn. haha.

Ok ok. Fast forward. LUNCH!
Andre should consider joinin some actg class. Nxt time u wanna distract my attention. U gotta try hard. :D But still, thanks for waitg for all our dear aunties/ uncles takin their own sweet time buyin lunch, even though u had a hot date waitg for u.
N this is wat they were tryin to distract mi from:

but gee.. i realli din expect a cake (onli presents). haha.
For once, I've seen a cake totally wiped out (n NOT on the bday boi's face)
While cuttg the cake, I've no idea wat valda is doin there. Tryin to get some action on the camera apparently. Boo, nigs, Boo.. =P

E cake was exactly wat i loved most. Altho the bitchy mi is gg to say dat there are nicer chocolate cakes arnd. hahahaha..Oops
Here's to all my "sistas" who contributed, in one way or other, to this surprise lunch:

(N Yes, thanks cheryl. Im HORNY. thanks for POINTG dat out. =P)
They sang the first round of bday songs... N subsequently, the same song was sang 2 more times. N presenting, the rowdy-os:

Apparently, their main objective was to sing mi a bday song but after rejectg their offer in the lift.. there were out to make it even BIGGER in the canteen. Thanks Haireez, Sandeep, Mizra, Joel and Ushan (who, "unfortunately", din manage to make it into the photo)
Now, the last grp who sang a bday song for mi durin lunch...Caitlin, Cheryl, Mich, JQ (now dat's weird.. jq, u were standing on the chair, werent u?), Winston, Vincent and Joel. Oh dun be fooled. the guy (named Joel) sittg on the chair is by no means coincidental. He IS posin for the pic as well. ;)

Ok... Movin on. (I shall omit the part whereby we all had to stay in school lib to mug for e research binder..o.O)
Dinner! Food therapy always works. =)
Stilll.....it's alaways nice to do a lil shoppin exercise before a meal..

(Editor's note: pictures of potential controversy have been omitted due to fear of causin public nusiance ;))

Anyway, Im bloggin when im supposed to be rushin torts tut. Absolutely Fantastic.
N to anyone who's e least interested in how i fared for e research presentation.
In a summary: It. Was. Shit. =)

Before I post my Saturday + Sunday food escapades, i would like to thank all my peeps who had dinner wif mi on Friday for an early bday celebration:
Everyone & Anyone who went to HK Cafe ( e food sux, btw. which is why there are practically no fotos of their "delicacies" *rolls eyes*)

N of course, this was also the grp which whip cream-ed mi, tried to do it again and.. .AGAIN..
N to do my blog justice, I shall post a pic of sth from Hk Cafe. Nt exactly fantastic, but pretty yummilicious..nonetheless =)

Shall Post more after I've survived Torts onslaught ltr. Urgh.

You'll be Safe Here?

2006-10-27T20:20:00.000+08:00

"When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here"

Where?

I'm tired.

I've pissed myself off today.

I cant seem to please everyone around mi today.

Not my mum, my frenz, my classmates.

And now, Im not veri pleased with myself either.

"Don't haf to bother whether your actions will please those others around you, juz as long you are true to yourself", they say.

If so, humans wun be called grp creatures. (I know there's a word for that but I cant recall it now. So f**k off before you start sayin to yourself dat u know wat word dat is.)

Bad start to a bad day.

My best is no longer enuff.

Law text.

Research.

Articles.

Cases.

Readings.

That will be how my life should be.

"From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You'll be safe here"

Where?

How

2006-10-26T00:38:00.000+08:00

How do you tell ur frenz dat u are not as happy as you look?

How do you apologize when the other party keeps saying dat "sorry no cure?"

How do you maintain a friendship when there juz seems to be so many secrets between each other?

How do you let go of a friendship you've tried so hard to sustain?

How do you not be sensitive about weaknesses you know you have?

How do you cure the feeling of being helpless & useless?

How do you, as much as you yearn to, share your problems with your frenz when they juz dun seem to care nor understand?

How do you make sure that you keep your close frenz close despite the increasing commitments?

How do you stop aiming for things in life, things which are materialistic, superficial and not everlasting?

How do you tell wat IS everlasting?

How do you tell wat Love is?

How do you let go of somebody whom you've held so dearly and somebody whom you've once proclaimed to love and be with forever and ever?

How do you know when ur best is juz not enuff?

How do you determine the limit you can go?

How do you un-do the many many wrongs you have done and the tonnes of pain you have brought to close ones around you?

How do you.... how do you... how do you live?

Finally.

2006-10-23T08:19:00.000+08:00

Gettin to upload everything I shd haf for the past 2 days.
Finally. *Cheers*

Lotsa photos (of me) taken during the treat on Saturday. *Cheers again*
It was Shawn's 21st bday yday btw.
Well, it's kinda belated. But (once again) Happy 21st to you Bro:
Although Im sure you would rather the omission of the word "happy" ;)

It was quite a bitch having to resize the photos to suit my txtbox. Grrr.
Fine. Dat's for nt knowing wateva shortcut method there is to html.

Wat everyone has said bout brewerkz is right.
It's juz a FABULOUS place for food junkies like mi (with a pitless stomach)
N the ambience is a thumbs-up.
Let's start with e appetizers:

Calamari ---------------- Hot Buffalo Wings

The calamari has a good tangy feel to it but the coating outside juz isnt as crispy as those I've tried previously. The buffalo wings have a kinda weird marination to it. There are 3 different spice degrees to choose from: mild, hot & spicy. Being not so adventurous, we opted for hot. (lol. none of us are realli chilli-fanatics) The wings are slightly spicy... and SOUR! Sheesh. We still wiped them clean tho..haha

The main course is juz... WHOA. None of us could decide on wat to get coz everything juz looks soooooooo good =P Finally decided on the braised lamb shank (or izzit foreshank. erm..) with their onion slaw n cream mash. N when my food came. I finally knew wat Amy meant by absolutely whacky potato mash. E mash was realli..... WHACKY. Lol. Creamy, Buttery yet not an effect overdone. Slurp-ilicious.

I wouldnt say the lamb shank is really outstanding.
But they do serve large portions. All Hail American Restaurants! =)
If you wanna try some new brews they have at the restaurant, the fruit brewz is onli good if you well, wanna try sth realli mild. there's no fruit taste tho. haha. Sry to disappoint.
(Chloe couldnt realli finish her portion and dump HALF OF her sausages with mi. Literally, HALF of each of her sausages. All a conspiracy to get mi fatter. Hoho. Who cares. )

N now. presenting, the dessert of the day: Chocolate Fudge Cake:

The cake is not as nice as the orea ice cream cake.
(But I look better in this foto. So. *grins* )

Chocolate Fudge n the oreo ice cream cake in their full glory.
Nobody appreciates my C.F.C. grrr.
Dat's enuff for the brewerkz treat.
It's been too long for me to continue basking in the post-treat hype.
All who graced his 21st bday treat:

I still went to Dennis's belated bday party in the end.
Lisa din tho. N accordin to her, his party wasnt dat fantastic "coz nobody got drunk"
N it isnt happening if "nobody got drunk n starts throwing random stuff"
o.O

I got my first bday prez yday.
Yay.
It din cost as much as I would like it to be. But thanks anyway, Mum. =)

I juz realized i haf more on my bday wishlist.
But bro scolded mi for askin prez from ppl.
U mean i Cant? =P

Contracts Lect got Cancelled.
DABIAN.
Thanks. Our dear Ex-MP.

Sux Ass

2006-10-22T21:43:00.000+08:00

Supposed to post lotsa stuff tonite.
Mood totally ruined though.
E things ppl say...or
Maybe it's juz mi who overdid it.
Shall Mellow down den.
I hope doing this can please u who've lost faith in mi.

Life's a Bitch.

Productive - NOT!

2006-10-21T00:32:00.000+08:00

This is like e 2nd post i've done since e setting up of this blog.
Im realli laziness-personified.
Cant even be bothered to remove e prev entry coz im too lazy to do e clickgs.

To-tally Bitch.
I muz haf used dat word zillion of times today.
First was torts tut. urgh. ( rather nt disclose e grade )

N e lib research...ok.. i so nid to bitch bout it again.
My vocab is realli limited today. Muz be coz of e slight disppointment from the test.
Yah yah. I know. So many ppl got even lousier grades but...

Anyway, let's juz skip to the main highlight of e day:
SHOPPING!
But totally unproductive lar.
(dat's where i got my title inspirations from btw in case there'r like ppl who cant tell)
Only been to topman for a short while before meetg Gui to buy..Shawn's 21st prez. zzz.

First, no photos taken. (Yes yes. brand mi a cam whore if u wanna)
2ndly, I din get anything for myself!
Yes, zilch, zero, ling2. like WTF man
All I've spent on was $255 on Shawn's Gstar Jeans.
I will sooo keep it if i could. hehe.
Topman had a few nice (pink) shirts. LOl. but realli old series i guess.
Couldnt find my size at all.

Oh man. The Prestige is how whacky lar. Totaly sadistic-ism in play.
Total brilliance. (tho e characters r realli bitchy. BITCHY again.)
Cheryl(Nah) is quite a nice person to watch movie wif. haha..
but she does get over-reactive to "certain scenes"
The Prestige is like a deep-thinker show but definitely nt as profound as Da Vinci Code.
So not (Da Vinci Code that is).

Ok. Definitely enuff for today.
(Im seriously nt so ranting on other days) XD

junbin has a new blog :D

2006-10-17T15:51:00.000+08:00

Yay.